Okay I've worked on this for months until I've became consistent. I have some unavoidable truths I had to realize:
1) the short porter cable bench jointer I was using was not very good. Its aluminum tables and composite frame flexed easily with the loads I placed on it. I did not notice until I put a dial gauge on it and checked, it easily flexes 10-20mil. Not acceptable. To make matters worse, its length is just too short for planing 48" long pieces of wood. It works, sometimes.
2)Most of the woods I use need a sled when being used in the planer, period. 1" poplar flexes inside the planer and causes numerous issues. Attaching the poplar to a 2" thick walnut countertop sled has taken care of any issue I had with the planer.
3)Typical tonewoods have proven much easier to work with than the poplar I was experimenting with, even more so since I've switched jointers and now use a sled
4) using a jointer is a skill and requires being able to read the wood to see what will be the most effective approach. Learning this skill requires turning a bunch of boards into wedges lol.
Hopefully this helps someone.