Angus Podgorny

THE CURSE OF THE BASS PLAYER... CONTINUED ...and there came about a great many bass solo albums. And lo, many of them sucked. And it was said, "Never shall their be an album as hip as Jaco's first record, for that was a fluke. From this day forward, you'll be mired in endless, droning, boring, teaching jobs. This shall be your curse. Ye shall tell of the great theory possibilities, soloing concepts, hip basslines from the Motown era, and much more. Yet, it will fall on deaf ears. For your students will only want to play the latest heavy metal song, and ye shall not have the heart to tell them which fast-food joint they shall end up working in. They have eyes, yet they do not see. They have been given ears, yet they do not hear. And lo, man was pissed at this judgment and rebelled giving birth to festivals such as Lillith Fair, and others celebrating women rock stars. And man once again found himself playing bland pop music, taking orders from the woman who could not play her way out of a sack. Man was sorrowful at this, and God was grieved. God then said "remember this?" And God brought forth an upright bass. And man said, "but Lord... what shall we do with this canoe?" And God said, "walk the hippest lines on this, for it is groovy in my sight." And man did so, and remembered that jazz was what he should have been playing in the first place. "He holds victory in store for the upright" Proverbs 2:7a

Oh my goodness. It's A JOKE, man. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FACTUAL. I found it particularly amusing that you take issue with the idea of the electric bass coming before the upright, and yet find nothing odd about the idea of God being the inventor of a "pre-CBS" instrument, of saying "Go Man, Go!" for that matter. Oi.

THE CURSE OF THE BASS PLAYER In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ...definitely pre-C.B.S. And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass. And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork. Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good. And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens. And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!" Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.) And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts." And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon' the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled. Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of." "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer." "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink." And it was so. Amen.

MikeB, don't buy into all the hype. A properly designed tube amplifier will give a truer representation of a sound than solid state. This is the reason why audio enthusiasts are willing to spend top dollar on monoblock tube amps. And I would prefer a well-designed dynamic microphones, such as a 421 or RE20 over an electret condenser almost any day. Do I use a completely modeling-free setup? No. I use Amplitube for songwriting/demos, and the occasional bass track. It's useful as a quick fix, but that's about all. Why do I dislike digital modeling? •Tracks recorded with digital modeling (especially direct) are hard to sit in a mix •There is latency with channel selection using a floor board (the expression pedal is a joke) •The Line 6 stuff is not road-worthy at all. The Pedal board falls apart, and if your power is unreliable, your amp may start switching channels randomly •And most importantly, digital modeling sounds like my butt after Taco Bell. If you do a "blind taste test" with a Line6 amp versus an AC30 or a Dual Rectumfire going to tape, I can pretty well guarantee you'd pick the real thing. And I'm not even talking about boutique tube amps here. I don't want this to turn into a tube vs. solid state argument. There have been tons of articles written about that already. All I'm saying is, don't buy something for 'in the mean time', its wasted cash. Get something that will hold its value or even appreciate in value. I don't think digital modeling amps fall into that catagory.

The mic means next to squat when it comes the the overall sound. In order of importance... Playing Technique Guitar and Amp Room THEN Microphone If your tone is not what you want in the room, it sure as heck isn't going to be what you want when you put up a mic. IMHO, solid state amps and ANY digital modeling can lick my crease. Tube is where it's at, hands down. ... If you want to get into home recording, I highly recommend the M-Audio stuff. Despite what someone said, they have GREAT driver support, and don't sound half bad either. That and a copy of Sonor or Samplitude will get you far. For mics, I must recommend that you not waste your money on an MXL. They're not a good investment. My cousin has a couple of MXL V67s that he loves... But he can lick my crease too. I suggest getting the Sennheiser E609 Silver. Great for guitars, and you most likely won't regret buying it later.

Actually, if I'm not mistaken, the clean guitar on If You was not the 69 Dual Showman, as it blew up... IN MY FACE. It was either the Musicman, or the Mesa. But I could be wrong... My memory is not so good. I DI recall the the Mics were a Studio Projects C1 about a foot off the cab, an SM57 right on the grill, and a Rode NT1 facing the opposite wall (which was used during the solo, panned opposite of the SM57.) All were run into a PreSonus mic preamp. See Rye, I DO have a memory. I think.