Its not really my sort of music, but I've been exposed to plenty of this sort of thing from my brother and peers, so I know what to compare it to
I definitely think it needs some sort of more memorable riff
I dont think I could even hear the bass, so I would agree that it needs more presence in the mix.
The recording is still distorted pretty bad, but I suppose thats because you used Audacity and not a professional studio
The bit I really dont like is the sort of quieter bit that keeps coming in where it sounds like a load of short repeated notes and then as hammer on. Theres one of them around 39 seconds in. Its just my opinion, but I think it doesnt fit.
All the above is all criticism, but overall I think its pretty good. As I said, not really what I'd choose to listen to, but I can appreciate it.